text an ex? bad idea

ever have a thought to text an ex? get rid of the thought right now! no good ever comes in communicating with last years garbage. and on top of that it is just weird. ran into a friend of the ex? you dont need to tell the ex that you saw this person. its just weird. they dont care and when you text them it shows that you still have their phone number and you should have already deleted it because your ex did. and now your ex is trying to figure out who the hell is texting him at 10 o'clock at night about something random. just move on. it is not important! and then you might have an awkward small conversation after the initial reason you were contacting them in the first place. but only because they feel bad and then you look desperate and pathetic. jump on the bandwagon and move on lady! [or dude...but most dudes dont have this problem...unless they have manliness issues, which in itself is another topic.]

the power of waiters

people in the food service industry may not seem important to you, but they hold a great deal of power. the power to make your food and your life miserable. [tip: save the rudeness until after you have eaten your food] i worked in a restaurant when i was in high school and i didnt realize the extent of the power i possessed until working for about a year. [thank you tim for showing me my power...and also singing your heart out to No Doubt in the back kitchen.] the power of making your food take longer when you have a movie to get to...the power of unmentionables being served on your plate along with the food you ordered...and on that party of 6 or more that i know wont tip...putting the tip in the bill just to piss you off but also make sure that i get something for dealing with you! being rude to your waitress will ultimately mean your food has been tampered with. did anyone see the movie Waiting? that stuff actually happens! its not a joke! and the reason that movie is funnier that people think is because its true!
so next time you order food from anywhere, remember to be extremely nice to everyone at the restaurant!

dear taco bell,

you are by far my favorite restaurant of all time. [is it sad that i love americanized "mexican" fast food the most?] your introduction of the potato on your menu has been wonderful and i love that you serve pepsi products. [pepsi girl all the way.] i heard recently that you are finally opening up a taco bell in england. good luck with that. i have noticed that people from england like bland food...and your food is just so tasty i think that one of two things will happen. one...the english will love it so much that they will finally buy spices from indian again and forget the bad tension from decades ago. then it will be detrimental to the other restaurants in england to change their recipies to have more flavor in order for them to stay in business to compete with you. two...the english will absolutely hate it and you will go out of business over there. [which if that happens, i suggest that you just build more taco bells here. i would appreciate it.] so anyways, good luck with changing the english tastebud.

i also have a suggestion for you regarding taco bell locations if you havent already done it.....
please make an application on cell phones [not just iphones! but other ones too like blackberry!]  that have taco bell locations on a map with your symbol that coordinate with whatever your location is. it would be awesome!! that way my friends dont have to call me and ask me where a taco bell is when they are on the other side of town. [and by the way, every single time my friends have called me i have been able to assist in the taco bell location closest to them.]

my biggest and most important suggestion would be to have some 24 hour taco bells. if you cant make more locations, then please make some of them 24 hour and please make them in phoenix. i have the support of many people on this issue. because of my odd work schedule, i am up in the middle of the night craving taco bell when you are closed. 2am on fridays and saturdays is just not cutting it. and midnight on other nights as well. especially if the bars in phoenix close at 2am, you are losing a bunch of business at that time because you are closed. i always want taco bell first!! then i have to go to jack in the box and its just not as satisfying as a burrito. maybe you cant be open 24 hours because you dont have a breakfast menu...so perhaps you should have breakfast menu? profit profit profit!! all i see in this idea is dollar signs for you $$$ [and happy customers like me.]

please let me know if you like these ideas and want some help on them because i am sooooo totally available to do so.

thanks,
    
xoxo
tawna

public restrooms

public restrooms....are waayy to public!! i wish the doors and walls were closer to each other. the above picture is an example of a standard stall. there is an opening on each side of the doors by the partitions. if you walk by, someone can seriously peer in and take a glimpse or a stare of what is going on! totally grosses me out. we have these stalls at my place of employment and i only use them when completely necessary. i would rather hold it until i get home and risk getting a UTI than go to the bathroom in a public place! i only go if completely necessary.

this is the image of the perfect public restroom!! stalls that have walls between them with REAL doors!! after these bathrooms are already perfect, they add their own sinks!! how...FABULOUS!!! something i didnt even think of while contemplating my hatred for public restrooms. ive been sitting here for a couple of minutes just staring at this picture and thinking how now i want to design bathrooms. i remember one i saw had walls that were made out of chalkboards and they even provided the chalk. gives those odd people that normally carry sharpies with them something to do while peeing.

*side note. please dont leave your preparation-h in the public bathroom. to this day i still cant go in that stall at work.

i needed to add some further info on restrooms that i thought of as of recent....the restrooms at parks are ridiculous. i have never been to one that even has doors, let alone toilet paper. one of them i even had to walk up a hill to get to it. remember-i dont use the bathroom in public places unless it is completely necessary. so make sure that you always have a buddy that you can trust when going to the bathroom at parks. and this someone that you can trust is usually your "person" [line from grey's anatomy]. you cant just have any friend standing in the doorway pretending to be the door while you are doing your business. if this were to happen with just a friend, your friendship status has definitely gone to the next level.

baby license

you have to have a license to drive a car and get married, but you dont have to have a license to have a child! that is ridiculous! there are way too many people that are over populating the earth and creating criminals. im not against the duggar family having 19 kids [and counting] because they are caring parents and dont live off the government! im against people having children and not raising them to be the best people they can be, or not even raising them at all. china has the right idea by limiting people to only 1 child. they are going in the right direction [maybe a bit extreme but its the thought that counts]. there needs to be a test implemented to weed out these crazies. and this test isnt going to be multiple choice either. it is fill in the _______ bitches. and if you cant read or write then you need to learn how and try again.



by giving tests to hopeful parents, it can prevent the over population of the earth. we all know the reason this earth is going down hill [or down universe in this example], is because of humans. humans even know the effects of over population! there are jobs for people that count the number of animals in herds to make sure they have enough members. and when there is too many, that is when they offer hunting licenses!! [how would you like to be hunted by bears??] they actually have licenses to kill animals from over population but no licenses to have human babies.



we can also make sure that there are smart, nuturing people raising children, there are always exceptions of course [let us not forget the blog about ugly people]. but im sure this would reduce child abusers and such. maybe even have the baby license only be effeective for a couple of years and then you have to reapply to make sure that your post partum isnt sinking in. and if it is, we can refer you to the methods of tom cruise or brooke shields for help.



maybe some test questions would be helpful...



1. your 5 month old baby refuses to go to sleep and has been crying for over 3 hours straight. what would you do as a new parent to calm your child?



any answers that involve putting a pillow over the babys head, giving the baby a bottle with some whiskey, or harming the baby in any way would obviously be inappropriate.



2. please demonstrate, using the cabbage patch doll you were given, how to change a diaper.



when the applicant is doing this, the test giver should make sure that they arent putting the diaper on the wrong end. it is not effective.



3. if your 5yo child colors on the walls with crayons and has been told not to do so, what is an appropriate consequence?



if the answer has anything to do with the 1, 2, 3 counting method until they run out of fingers approach, dont fail them. simply mark them down for a mandatory class involving appropriate consequences. [that counting shit just doesnt work].

these are just some things i thought of off the top of my head. granted, i dont have any little kiddies running around so what do i know?? only my professional people watching skills have made me determine that this might be necessary. i think they had it right in the movie demolition man.

black and brown

black and brown do NOT go together. this is something i feel extremely strong about.

whether it is outfits or color schemes for your house. they do not match. the reason they do not match is because they are two main colors. you need to use one as the primary color. or in other instances you dont use them at all.

this is just plain ridiculous.


i would never go out of the house in this outfit. and this is a picture from a company trying to sell you this look! black skirt and brown bag [ugh its even an ugly bag] with tan shoes?! i feel it necessary to write these people a letter. and not a mean one because it seems that people who are not very smart would not understand a mean letter and all of its sarcasm.

there are brown schemes and there are black schemes. if brown is your color of choice [which it is not mine, doesnt really go with my palette], then i would choose a cream colored accent. white is the accent to go with black. cream colored shirt with brown pants are okay. if you go too crazy with it though, i think someone might mistake you for a person in the outback or on a safari. also, do not mix and match accessories! take the time to change your purse or buy some black shoes so people dont talk about your lack of fashion behind your back!

lets take a glimpse into an outfit that is a great example.

beautiful! and no one is talking crap about kate moss wearing this outfit [they might about other things, but certainly not this!]

tan is another thing all together. tan can be paired with black and it can look great! my favorite outfit for a guy would be tan/khaki pants with a black shirt. just make sure your guy is wearing black accessories to go with! because one of my favorite pastimes is people watching and i have no problems laughing at people wearing ridiculous outfits.

there is one time that black and brown together are appropriate! i personally dont choose this route but some might pull it together nicely. and that is when one of your main pieces of clothing already has both colors in them. like a shirt that has a black background with brown flowers on it or something. like i said! i would never want to buy that but some people may. just be sure to stick with one color scheme when accessorizing. i dont want to see that flower shirt with black pants and brown shoes and brown bag and then a black necklace. that is just abserd. perhaps that black and brown shirt paired with some black pants, and even some mainly black shoes that have the same color brown on them as an accent. then make sure to have your black accessories. i still think it is ridiculous, but when i catch you walking down the street in that i will say "i hate black and brown together, but at least she paired them accordingly."

ugly people

why are ugly people happy? why are ugly people so mean?


this topic of discussion has many possible answers but only ugly people will know for sure.

if you are already ugly, and on top of that you are mean...you dont have anything going for you. "but tawna! im smart," you say...yeah. i dont care. people magazine isnt going to come knock down your door to get a peek of you because you are smart. they want people that are pretty. [and i still havent gotten any knocks yet but my door is always open to people magazine.]

and if you are ugly and actually happy? now that is a difficult question to answer.

here are some general ponderments that i have asked myself as of recent:

1. maybe ugly people are happy because they are smart and successful and two outta three aint bad [thank you meatloaf], and they dont even read people magazine [guffah!].


2. ugly people are happy because they have found someone they love who is as ugly as they are. then they procreated in the dark and somehow their recessive genes popped out a beautiful baby. *tangent alert* that just baffles me how that happens. two trailer park grade school drop outs get freaky and make a cute kid. that is probably the higher power in life trying to give that kid a break. did you know that demi moore grew up in a trailer park?! *tangent complete*


3. ugly people are mean because, lets face it [or dont face it, its too ugly], they are ugly! no one wants to be ugly! can you blame them? because this is a material world and everyone is a material girl.

one solution to this problem is cosmetic surgery. hooray for plastic! [please recycle]. they have some serious alterations that can be done. we've all seen dr. 90210 on E!, and dr. rey is super enthusiastic to make ugly people happy AND pretty! but if they arent willing to fork over the money to to make their insides and outsides nicer then shame on them. too bad frontal lobotomies are out of style.

helpful link
www.eonline.com/on/shows/dr90210/

dedicated to bad richie